I am as down with the next guy when it comes to checking out and appreciating art but some of the things that I've been seeing lately (the last 50 years or so) are straight up simple minded bullshit that anyone could come up with. Some guy jerks off onto a canvas, slaps a few random condoms onto it, signs it with a giant pencil, and viola! ART has been made! This piece could easily sell for several thousand dollars to some useful twit with more money than brains. All of this pissed me for many years until one day I said fuck it, it'll never change so if you can't beat em, join it.
Here my friends is my proposal, lets get 500 people together in one stadium and feed them a breakfast of hard boiled eggs, Ovalteen, prunes, V8 juice, and lamb meat. About thirty minutes after eating we bring out the canvas, it'll be large, roughly the size of a basketball court. By this time everyone will have bubble guts, we drop trow at the same time and let fly with the nastiest, squishiest farts we can muster. After the juice is laid down we spray the canvas with one thousand cans of Axe Body Spray, we light the canvas on fire and then glaze the scorch marks with hair gel, light it again, glaze it one more time, and then bunch up the little wads of burnt shit, twist em off, and secure them with hair ties. We call the piece "Jersey" and we sell it to a super rich retired German architect for 10 million dollars. The German guy will place the piece in a national park where it will remain on display for at least a year. Thousands of people will see our work and think it's amazing. We all split the money from the sale of the painting and go on Letterman to talk about what inspired us to come up with such a unique piece of art and when the world can expect the next project. This is a sure fire way to make us all moderately rich and tremendously famous. Just give me three "pips" of approval and your in.